Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Box
by mrspatrickdempsey
Summary: What happens when you have talking dead heads, parrots and inanimate objets? Or Gibbs that sings:S and a short little man that needs to sort out his priorities? Find out here! PLEASE read and don't forget to REVIEW!UPDATED Ch10: Amusement Park Rides
1. A marriage or not?

**A/N: hey** **everyone! Just like to thank you all in advance for even clicking on the link to read my story. It's the second fanfic I have written and the first POTC one. I would be really happy if you could review! I'll give cookies to those who do. Thanks!**

**Oh ya here is a challenge, if someone can guess the half quote I used in this chapter and the name of the show it's from, ill give you something… I don't know yet.**

**Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) own nothing in this fic except for myself; if I did I would be with Johnny Depp right now making hundreds of new movies instead of writing this, savvy?**

**Pirates of the Caribbean:**

**Dead Man's Box**

A _marriage_… or not?

(Scene opens to Elizabeth sitting on the ground in despair, she is sad that her wedding is ruined by the stupid rain, or is she?)

Elizabeth: Am I what?

(Jack appears out of no where and repeats in a girly voice)

Jack: Am I what? (Disappears)

Elizabeth: Wow that was strange, I thought I heard Jack Sparrow a second ago? (Sigh) Jack Sparrow…(Elizabeth goes into dreamland of hot pirates and black ships)_A/N: you can so tell I'm a sparrabeth shipper right… lol_

(Narrator _(that's me lol)_ turns off the sound of her voice so the characters can't here) (That's better! Now back to Elizabeth, as she sits she hears noises coming from behind her) (She sees Will walking with two men so she runs to him)

Elizabeth: Will, you never told me you were walking down the aisle with 2 (raises her hands and moves 3 fingers up and down) fathers.

Will: Uh… isn't it only supposed to be 2 fingers? Oh and you look…nice.

Elizabeth: (in Paris Hilton kind of voice) I know right! (Starts to sing "I'm too sexy")

(Will clears his voice to get her attention, she keeps singing very off tune.) (She finally stops)

Elizabeth: So what's with the fathers?

Will: Their guards Elizabeth, DUH!

(Elizabeth faints then gets back up and repeats this several times) (During this time her father has made his appearance)

Elizabeth( in the kind of voice toddlers use): I'm finished! (laughs)

(A voice comes out of no where)

Voice: FINALLY! Now I can make my dramatic and corny entrance! TA DAH! (A little man with a tiny head and a big hat turns around)

(Silence) (Crickets) ( Everyone looks around but sees no one)

Voice: Oh come on! Let me try again… TA DAH!

(Everyone looks down at him)

Governor Swann: Cutler Beckett? My you've grown! Last time I saw you you were yay high ( puts hand about 2 feet off the ground)

Beckett: It's LORD NOW you… TALLMAN! (Mumbles) And I was a bit taller than that…

Swann: Lord or not, you have no reason… well maybe there is a reason… but you have no authority to arrest this… boy!

Will: Man! Arrest this MAN! How many times must I tell you this!

Swann: Fine_ MAN_…

(As Beckett and Governor Swann continue to bicker and yell at each other like little girls, we go back to Will and Elizabeth.)

Elizabeth (finally out of dreamland for the moment): Who do you think is bigger?

(Will gives her a "are you stupid, your father is twice his size" look)

Elizabeth: I mean macho Will; I think my dad is bigger.

Will: I think its Beckett.

Elizabeth: NO! Mines bigger than yours…

Guard: Whip out the measuring tapes and I'll measure!

(They take them out but then Will gets distracted…)

Beckett: … of one William Turner.

Will: Hey that's my name! (Laughs) Elizabeth he said my name!

Swann: This is for Elizabeth Swann?

Elizabeth: Will he said my name too! (Laughs)

Beckett: Um no… hers is right here stupid… (Hands it to him)

Swann: Oh…

(Beckett takes out another warrant and walks around)

Beckett: And I have another one for a Mr. James Norry… no Norringtintin… Norringtintilla? No..Niominington?… (He continues)

Will: You'd think by the time he figures it out Norrington would be long gone…

Elizabeth: Seriously.

Beckett: Norrythong? (Everyone looks disturbed) No… uh Norrington! That's it! Is he here?

Swann: He got fired, kicked to the curb, unemployed!

Beckett: I get the point… but you still didn't answer my question! (Stomps foot)

Will: In the category of questions not answers.

Elizabeth: We are under the jurisdiction of Port Royal and you will tell us we are charged with.

(Will looks astonished)

Will: Elizabeth! That's the most complicated sentence you have said since… I don't know when.

(Elizabeth whispers something about meetings and Jack)

Will: What was that?

Elizabeth: Nothing…

(Elizabeth goes back into dreamland and hears nothing that's going on)

Swann: The charge is conspiring to set free a man convicted of crime against the crown and empire and condemned to death—

Will: Come again??

Beckett: Do I have to explain EVERYTHING! You saved someone from being hanged and now your going to be punished!

Will: OH! Ok

Beckett: Can he continue, it's getting to the good part! (Evil smile)

Swann: (finds place and continues) for which the---

Beckett: For which the punishment regrettably is also death. (laughs) I have been waiting to say that all my life! I can know die happy!

(Will screams like a girl)

Beckett( who isn't giddy anymore): Perhaps you remember a certain pirate named—

(Elizabeth interrupts but not intentionally)

Elizabeth: Jack Sparrow

Beckett: NO FAIR! I was going to say that! (Stomps foot) (Tapes Elizabeth's mouth shut so she can't talk) HA! What you going to say now…oh right you can't talk! (snaps fingers) (Sticks tongue out) Anyway… Jack Sparrow.

Will: _Captain_ Jack Sparrow.

Beckett: Captain Jack Sparrow, I thought you might… (Laughs like a maniac)

Will: Your one weird little dude…

**There it is, well just warning you that the second chapter is inprogress but won't be posted for a while. too much school work.**

**REVIEW PEOPLE! It's not nice to read and run! **


	2. The chapter of dots and singing

**A/N: I'd like to thank my reviewers _GigglesforJohnnyDepp, Florencia7, The Sea Sparrow, omgxiixluvxhc, Taylor, Sparrow's Gal 25 and WhyIsTheRumGone-CuzURSexy _for their awesome reviews! And as promised… cookies for them! Lol Well heres the next Chapter which I typed in one sitting, which I'm very proud of… lol**

**Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) own nothing in this fic except for myself; if I did I would be with Johnny Depp right now making hundreds of new movies instead of writing this, savvy?**

The chapter of dots and singing

Gibbs (Singing in a really high voice and off key): 50 men on-

Cotton's Parrot: It's 15 men stupid.

Gibbs: Oh… well I'll just have to start again! 15 men on a Dead Man's Box-

Cotton's Parrot: STOP! STOP! IT'S BAD ENOUGH YOU BE SINGING, BUT YOU HAVE TO DO IT OFF KEY TOO! YOU SUCK! SHUT IT!

Gibbs (hurt): (sniff) Fine, if you hate it so much I'll stop…but I'll just dance then!!

(Gibbs runs into the crew's quarters and comes out in a pink tutu outfit)

Gibbs: There, TADA! What do you think? Wait, does this make me look fat??

Cotton's Parrot: (rolls eyes) If I say no will you shut it? (Gibbs nods) Then no…

Gibbs: (claps hands together) Ok! Here goes, (Gibbs starts to hum the tune and begins to dance ballet)

Cotton's Parrot: Ah what the heck… (Cotton's Parrot begins to dance with Gibbs)

Crow (who was watching them):I'm out of here, these people aren't going to be dead anytime soon, plus they're weird…(flies away to a prison) Oh look, DINNER! (Crow starts attacking the prisoners)

Prisoner 1: AHHHH!

Prisoner 2: I rather so like it here, though the local birds aren't very friendly…

Prisoner 3 (in cage):You idiot! The birds are eating us! They took one of me eyes!( Points to it and it's not there)

Crow: Sorry Mate, Ragetti needed another one.

Prisoner 3: Whose that?

Crow: See if I know… it's what she told me to say (points to author)

Me (pops into story): And you better listen or I'll give ya the boot out of the story, see I have that power (grins) Now get on with the story please! (Sits and waits)

Prisoner 1: Uh… you need to write it stupid… (I give a death glare) I mean great and almighty author who we all love deeply…

Me: That's what I thought. (Continues and pops out of story)

(The crow flies to where people are dropping coffins into the water)

Coffin Man 1: (picks a coffin up) Dude this is heavy, it's soo much heavier than the other ones.

Coffin Man 2: Dude.

(Coffin mumbles something about not being heavy)

Coffin Man 2: Dude! It talked! Cool…

Both: Dude! (They drop it into the water below)

Coffin: AHHH!

Water: AHHH!

(The coffin crashes into the water and floats away) (A crow comes and lands on the coffin)

Crow: Eh, if I can't have people who are alive might as well have dead ones! Now just to get in here… (The crow starts pecking at the coffin)

Gun: BOOM!

(The crow was blown up)

Random crow flying by: No, Uncle Sal! WHY! (Cries and flies away)

(From inside the coffin you here someone yelling)

Inside coffin: I can't get out! Stupid coffins! AHHH Oh SCRUE IT! (Person starts shooting randomly everywhere around the coffin and you see 5 more crows blow up and fall to the ocean dead.) (Person finally gets out and it's… Captain Jack Sparrow!)

Jack (singing while fiddling with his hat): I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow (Dead man inside the coffin clears his throat)

Jack: Oh… Right… hmm… now to get back to the_ Pearl_. Ah HA! How about this… (Takes out ribcage of the dead man) No… (Throws it away into the water)

(Jack continues like this for 2 legs, 2 feet, the body and the head but decided that he was going to keep the head. All that is left is the 2 arms with hands on them) (Jack picks one up)

Jack: Hmmm this will do! (He throws the other away and starts to row) (Jack looks at the head) Mind if we make a little side trip?

Head: Actually I do! But seeing as you threw all my body parts away I don't have a choice do I!?!?

Jack: Yes well I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! And I'm hot and lets face it mate, you're not, AND I have Fan girls! (Glances towards fan girls sitting in floating coffins hoping that Jack would come over and kiss them.) See! Plus I have the upper hand in this situation. (Glances towards the dead man's hand) Literally…

(Jack starts rowing away to where the _Black Pearl_ awaits him)

Head: You know I don't like you right?

Jack: Well I don't like you either! So shut it before I reunite you with your body parts.

Head: Fine-

Jack: SHH

Head: but-

Jack: SHH

Head: I-

Jack: SHHH!

Head: (sigh)

**REVIEW PEOPLE! ANONOMYUS REVIEWS ALOUD! It's not nice to read and run!**


	3. A Key to manly things?

**A/N: I'd like to again thank my reviewers: **_**Sparrow Gal 25, cutepigts**__**Florencia, GigglesforJohnnyDepp, livinlife20, Piratesfanatic, omgxiixluvxhc, blackpearl.fantasy, Nina and LostWitch5 **_**for their wonderful reviews. **

**I know I haven't updates in a while but I have been quite busy lately. And it's not like I haven't been thinking about updating because I stood in the shower for 20 minutes the other day doing nothing but thinking about this chapter… **

**Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) own nothing in this fic except for myself and Mary's personality but Disney owns his actual body… or head I guess; if I did I would be with Johnny Depp right now making hundreds of new movies instead of writing this, savvy?**

* * *

A key to **manly** things?

(Scene opens to a hand being waved around and Gibbs and Cotton's Parrot still doing ballet)

Jack (who is waving the arm): Hello? Is anyone going to come help me up? Hello, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow for rum's sake! (glances to Head) Mary, I'm going to lift you up and you have to see if anyone is on deck, OK? (Silence) (Crickets)… HEAD!

Head: What?

Jack: Did you not hear anything I just said?

Head: Yes.

Jack: WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER THEN!

Head: Whoa, keep your dirty, probably never been washed, pants on! Besides, you were talking to Mary were you not? Who's Mary by the way? Ooooh does Jack Sparrow-

Jack: CAPTAIN!

Head: -Does _Captain_ Jack Sparrow have a little invisible friend named Mary? Do you kiss her goodnight knowing that's the only action your getting? (grins)

Jack: You better take that back you…you body less crazy HE-SHE!

Head: I am not a he-she! I'm very much a man!

Jack: THEN PROVE IT! _(I'm thinking about Harry Potter too much lately…lol)_

Head: How can I? You threw all my body parts away!

Jack: I can prove that you are because your name is Mary! I have named you Mary seeing as you have failed to remember your name from that brainless head of yours and tell it too me.

Mary: WHAT?? But I'm a boy!

Jack: SO… Now go up there and find out who is not coming to help me up! (Throws Mary onto the deck)

Mary (landing on the deck): Ouch, ouch, ouch I thought you were supposed to _lift_ me up, not chuck me half way across the deck!

Jack (rolls eyes): See anything?

Mary: Just some guy in a tutu that says Gibbs on the back, oh and a dancing parrot…

Jack: MISTER GIBBS!

Gibbs: (stops dancing) Captain? Where are you?

Jack: Down here!

(Gibbs looks down and sees a dead arm waving at him)

Gibbs: I only see a dead arm waving at me…not that is strange or anything, it's quite normal right, to see an arm waving at you? It's really a daily thing that should happen…

Jack: That's me! Now stop your rambling and pull me up!

Gibbs: (gasps) You died captain?!? NOOO!!!!! (Starts to sing in mourn)

_The captain died!_

_And is no longer with us!_

_He's not alive!_

_He went to heaven on a school bus!_

_He's-_

Jack: STOP!! What singer died and decided to let you take his place?

Gibbs: Uh…-

Jack: SHH don't answer that. Besides I'm not dead, Mary is, it's his arm.

Mary: I never got a song when I died… (Sniff)

Gibbs: (looks to Mary) I could make one up for you!

Jack: No Gibbs, no. What you are going to do is come over here and help me up, savvy!?

Cotton's Parrot (who has been watching this long and quite unnecessary conversation to the story but it's in here anyways because I say it should be): Why don't you get up yourself?!

Jack (who was _finally_ pulled up by Gibbs): because then I wouldn't be captain would I? (Jack hands Mary's last remaining body piece to Gibbs)

Gibbs: Not quite according to plan… (Chucks it off the ship)

Mary: NO!

Jack: Yes well complications arose… (Gestures to Mary the head) but were soon over come… (Gestures to all of Mary's body parts floating by) So aren't you going to ask me?

Gibbs: Ask you what? Was there something of importance and crucial to the plot that I am forgetting to ask? I don't remember… what could it b- OH! Did you get it?

Jack: Knew we'd get there eventually… and yes I did (waves a pink frilly cloth at him and walks away)

Mary: Fine just leave me here to fend for myself! That's right keep walking and leave the poor innocent head alone in the cruel world of being on a deck full of who knows what… (Looks around and shudders)

(Jack walks into a bunch of angry looking crewmembers)

Gibbs: Captain, I think the crew, meaning me as well, were expecting something a bit more…manly. I mean it's pink… come on! What with the Isla DeMeurta going all pear shaped and to be claimed by the sea and taking all the woman with!

Jack: But there were no women there!

Leach: And the Royal Navy chasing us all around the Atlantic since we stole their women because of that!

Jack: We did no such thing!

Marty: And the hurricane!

Jack: What does that have to do with women?

Marty: I don't know…

Gibbs: After everything we have been threw we just want something that isn't women infested!!!

Jack: Well that's good! I thought you were expecting something shiny! Now that I don't have… but manly I can do! Look! It's a _magic_ cloth. When I wave it (he waves it) it turns manly!

Cloth: WOMAN-GONE! MANLY-FY! BOOM!

(The cloth which was once pink and frilly was now torn, stained, brown and had spit on it)

Crew: YAY!

Leach: Now show us what is on it.

Jack: Geez I have never met anyone more demanding than myself… and that's saying something mate.

Leach: NOW!

Jack: Ok! (Takes it out) (Jack the Monkey comes and steals it)

Jack the Monkey: HAHA! I HAVE YOUR SPEACIAL LITTLE CLOTH!

Jack: (tries to shoot him but missed every time) I'm gonna get ya!

Mary: You can't shoot a monkey that is standing still laughing over your cloth thing but can take down 6 crows in 6 shots when your not concentrating on hitting them. Wow your sad…

Jack: (looks away and says while shooting) Shut up! (he hits Jack the Monkey)

Mary: Told ya so. Now look at me closely, you see me? This is me doing my "I told you so" dance. Impressive huh?

Jack: You're rocking back and forth…

Mary: … so!

Marty: (who picked up the cloth) It's a… what is that?

Jack: what's what? (grabs the cloth) (On the cloth, which is now red and tattered, so obviously it's a different cloth, duh! Is an "L" inside a rum bottle inside a heart.) _(A/N: 10 points to whoever can decipher that one lol in your review tell me what you think it means.)_ (Clears throat) It's nothing… (sees the real one and hands it to Marty)

Marty: It's a KEY!

Jack: No it's not.

Marty Yes it is!

Jack: No!

Marty: Yes!

Jack: No it's not! It's a _drawing_ of a key (everyone stares and says nothing) (crickets) Have any of you even seen a key!?

Crew: Aye

Jack: Then what do they do?

Crew: (dumbfounded looks) (silence)

Mary: They unlock things! (Everyone glances to him) hi…

Jack: Gentleman this is Mary, he has no body and no brains-

Mary: Hey!

Jack: sorry, and yet he knows more than you do!

Gibbs: Well whatever this key unlocks inside there's bound to be some manly stuff! So we should head out to go find what ever this key unlocks!

Jack: No were not. You're not thinking logically. If we don't have the key (glances to Marty who is about to say something) and no we don't have the key because that is a drawing! We can't open whatever we must locate after finding the key that it unlocks. The not logical way which is the way your mind is working at the moment and should go get fixed is going and finding what ever need be unlocked which is still not in our possession obviously without first finding this key that will unlock it, savvy?

Mary: How can anyone figure that out? It's completely mental.

Gibbs: So were going after the key?

Jack: Your not making any sense at all. Actually I'm not making any sense at all but I don't really want to admit that so I'm blaming you. Anymore questions?

Marty: So do we even know where were going?

Jack: We will now! (takes compass out) (opens it up and the needle keeps switching directions)

Compass: I like spinning, spinning is fun! Clap for spinning (Jack closes the compass after pointing in a random direction) whoops spinning's done…

Jack: (looks at compass) Shut up you. Ok everyone set sail in the direction I pointed you in that just happens to probably be pointing to what vexes me, but I'm not going to tell anyone who it is.(goes into his cabin)

Marty: Have you noticed lately, the captain is acting strange…er

Gibbs: Seriously, he used to love my singing. What ever has his knickers in a twist is not good, not good at all…

Jack: (goes and grabs Mary after coming back out from his cabin) Let's go Mary.

Mary: Thank you! I thought you were going to leave me here and I was going to have to spend the night alone! Thank you!

Jack: Don't push your chances I'm just bringing you into my cabin and putting you on my desk…

Mary: So I'll have the company of pens and paper?

Jack: Pretty much.

Mary: oh…

* * *

**Holy cow that was a long chapter! 6 pages on Word, wow. Hope you liked it though, I thought it was pretty good and really fun to write lol**

**SEE THAT PRETTY PURPLE BUTTON? PRESS IT! All your dreams will come true.**


	4. Negotiations with tea

**A/N: I'd like to again thank my reviewers:**_**Florencia, Piratesfanatic, LostWitch5, GigglesforJohnnyDepp, cutepigts, omgxiixluvxhc and blackpearl.fantasy **_**for their wonderful reviews.**

**It seams that my inspiration lately has been coming from the shower; it's quite odd actually… lol but I'll take it, I'd rather have odd inspiration then no inspiration. I admit though it's not my best work but I wanted to update…**

**Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) own nothing in this fic except for myself and Mary's personality but Disney owns his actual body… or head I guess; if I did I would be with Johnny Depp right now making hundreds of new movies instead of writing this, savvy?**

* * *

Negotiations with tea 

(Scene opens to a guard bringing Will, locked up in a lot of chains that are barely allowing him to walk let alone breath, into Beckett's Office where you see Beckett doing a jig in front of the map)

Beckett: I'm a little pirate hater, short and stout, here is my sword and here is my pistol. When I see a pirate I get happy because I'll kill them with my swordandpistol! I'm a very special pirate hunter it's true. Here let me show you what I can do. I can take my sword out just like that, so let me swat them away just like bats! (He then turns around and sees the guard and Will attempting to clap his hands)

Guard: I got him sir! All locked up sir, just like you wanted.

Beckett: (Over comes his embarrassment)(Glances to chained Will who was starting to turn a bit blue) I did not want my only prisoner killed, I wanted his hands tied up not his WHOLE BODY! Unlock him.

Guard: But… but…

Beckett (who has walked over to the guard and has his neck titled all the way up to see the guards face): Don't BUT me! I am YOUR powerful LORD! Though I most likely killed some sort of relative to attain the title but oh well…

Guard: Yes your shortness (snickers)

Beckett: What was that!?!

Guard: (unlocks Will and runs away)

Will (who could finally say what he has been **DIEING **to say since he got into the room): Are we going to the fair?

(Beckett ignores Will's question and pours tea for Will) (He walks up to Will and begins jumping up and down trying to get Will's attention meanwhile spilling almost half the drink all over himself.) (he finally gets Will's attention) (Will looks at the drink)

Will: Is it milk?

Beckett: No, it's tea.

Will: Then I don't want it. (he takes the cup and throws it across the room and hits a doll sitting in a chair by a table in the face)

Beckett: NO Poopsie! You hit Poopsie! (stomps foot and walks over to a table full of tea pots and tea cups that are surrounded by dolls in chairs.) (Goes over to Poopsie and picks her up and sits in her chair and begins stroking the doll lovingly) Don't worry Poopsie, he didn't mean it. Now sit with daddy while he has a meeting with Mr. Will over there ok? ( He pats the chair and then rubs it implying for Will to come sit next to him)_[If any of you have seen "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" that scene at his house after they meet, that's what I'm talking about_

(Will slowly walks over while Beckett begins talking business)

Beckett (still stroking Poopsie though): My company, which I own, that's right I own it so get it into your head, wants you to do something for us, something very special.

Will (who starts to look interested after the word "special"): What's special!!

Beckett: You're going to get something _special_ from one of our friends.

Will: If you're talking about Elizabeth I won't be able to get anything from her that's _special_. Our relationship is based on sword fighting which she blames me for but it's really her fault for asking me in the first place to teach her because she should know by now that I don't set my mind to something and then not do it but she still agreed to marry me which I don't why she did but I'm not going to say anything because I have been after her since I was 13 and now I'm 22 _(I'm guessing here) _so I'm not going to ask her for this _special_ thing to screw up our marriage even though technically you've already screwed it up!

Beckett: All you had to say was no…GOSH! Not make a speech like the queen! You have just wasted about a minute of your life saying that…and besides, the friend is Jack Sparrow!

Will: He's more of a "Go do something for me even though you know it's going to land you into trouble but you do it anyway" kind of person to me. How do you know him though?

Beckett: (walks over to the fireplace and picks up a very hot "P" on a stick) We have had dealings in the past, and left marks on the other.

Will: What does the "P" stand for?

Beckett: You're not very bright are you? The "P" stands for "Poopsie" though people think it stands for "Pirate". Whenever someone does something to my Poopsie I brand him or her. (Will starts to look nervous) But don't worry; I won't brand you, (grins) yet.

Will: (whimpers)

Beckett: So, you shall go to him and get this _special_ object from him for me.

Will: How?

Beckett: Well you could threaten him

Will: Not enough courage…

Beckett: Pistol?

Will: um… no thanks, plus too messy.

Beckett: Poison?

Will: That's a possibility but would be hard to get him to drink it.

Beckett: Sword?

Will: There's something I'm good at!

Beckett: Sorry to rain on you glory parade, but then I might half to lock you away for killing someone…

Will: Darn… but wait wouldn't you half to lock me up for all of them then! (shocked look)

Beckett: Yes…oh I have an idea! You could bargain! (Walks to a box that says " Off limits! Cutler's Special TOP SECRET BOX) (takes out pieces of paper) These are called "Poopsie's Papers" Inside is a full apology already written to Poopsie. All Jack needs to do is sign and boom bang he's free from Poopsie's debt. Oh and I suppose he can have these Letters of Marques too… allowing him to work for me and be forever mine! (laughs hysterically) (He puts them back in the box)

Will: What kind of freedom is it when they have to stare at your face all the time? (Beckett looks upset) Oh Will hit a good one there!

Beckett: It doesn't matter because Jack's kind won't be with us for much longer (evil grin)

Will: (confused look)

Beckett: You know, not in the land of the living…

Will: Still don't get it…

Beckett: HE WON'T BE ALIVE FOR MUCH LONGER!

Will: (shocked look) WHY? Is he sick? Did he catch something? You must let Elizabeth and I go and see him! HE'S GONNA DIE! (cries)

Beckett: (puts hands on head in frustration) NEVER MIND! But what you should know is that if you fail you and your wife get it.

Will: Get what?

Beckett: You'll face the noose.

Will (shocked) So basically we all die, and you own Jack forever and you get the _Black Pearl_!? How fair is that?

Beckett: The _Black Pearl_?

Will: The _special_ object that you want me to get! Have you forgotten already?

Beckett: I DID NOT forget. I don't want the _Black Pearl!_ _Special_ objects are never huge! Besides, what I want is far more valuable. Something Jack keeps with him at all times, which is potentially problematic for you, a compass?

Will: A compass?

Beckett: You know, small green thing that spins and screams " WEEEE" from time to time?

Will: So you mean I could be a compass if I do this? (He begins spinning around yelling "WEEEEEE")

Beckett: NO! Like this, (he takes out a regular compass and shows it to Will)

Will: Oh! That's what you mean, of course I have seen- I mean I have don't know what you're talking about…

Beckett: You know exactly what I mean. You shall bring me that compass or there's no deal. (he walks away)

Will: (sticks tongue out) Ok mister I'm too small for my own good but I act evil to make up for my size. I'll get right on that… (sigh) I need to get away from these bossy "go do something for me" freaks…

* * *

**STOP! DON'T CLOSE THE WINDOW; TAKE THE TIME TO SEND ME SOME FEEDBACK PLEASE! I'LL GREATLY APPRECIATE IT! Anonymous reviewers aloud.**

**Don't be a read and runner.**


	5. Doomed

**A/N: ****I'd like to again thank my reviewers:**_**Nina, LostWitch5, PirateKnightoftheRings, tpfang56, Florencia7, Piratesfanatic, cutepigts, omgxiixluvxhc and GigglesforJohnnyDepp **_**for their wonderful reviews. **

**I'm so sorry it took longer too update then it normally does… I was ¾ ways done the chapter and then had to go out for something. When I got back and sat down to write, I had no ideas. It was like my train of thought went on the wrong track and fell done a mountain… anyway, that's my sad but true excuse…**

**Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) own nothing in this fic except for myself and Mary's personality but Disney owns his actual body… or head I guess; if I did I would be with Johnny Depp right now making hundreds of new movies instead of writing this, savvy?**

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Doomed

(Scene opens to Jack and Mary sitting in his cabin. Well more Jack doing the sitting, Mary is doing whatever heads do when they aren't going anywhere, happens quite often really...) (Jack is attempting, attempting bring a key word here, to plot a course)

Jack: (while using his plotting instrument thing and his compass) So you go that way then a little bit that way and then we should hit something…

Mary: (laughing)

Jack: What are you laughing about!?

Mary: You might want to take a look at your "course"

Jack: what… (he looks down at the map which shows that all the lines he just drew spelt out the word "SUCKER")

Compass: (snickers)

Jack: (looks at compass) That's just not very nice (then looks at Mary) and NOT funny.

Mary: Yes it is! (laughs some more)

Jack: I aught to throw you right out my window.

Mary: But you won't because you like me too much

Jack: (doesn't say anything and then is interrupted by…)

Compass: WEEEEE!! Spin around the dial, I'll do it for a while. WEEE, WEEE, I'll never stop!!!!

Jack: SHUT IT!

Compass: (stops)

Jack and Mary: THANK YOU!

Jack: (looks at compass) Will you please point in one direction!

Compass: No.

Jack: Please! I'll give you a cookie!

Compass: (thinks about it) No, I enjoy spinning more then your cookie! (goes back to spinning) WEEE!

Jack: Evil little bugger… could my night get any worse! (takes a swing of rum but discovers there's none left) Why is all the rum bloody gone! (he stands up and falls to the ground)

Mary: (laughs)

Jack: (gives an evil glare to Mary) Oh, that's why… (he gets up then starts to leave)

Mary: Hey! Don't leave me in here with this… (Stares at compass) thing! Please! Take me with you!!!

Jack: Well seeing as you asked nicely… (he walks back and picks up the compass, closes it and leaves.)

Mary: But… but…(sad look) (sings) I'm all alone! No one here beside me! (sigh) (All of a sudden a light bulb appeared over Mary's head and gives him an idea.) (Looks at the instrument thing Jack was using before) So, plotting instrument thing… how sharp are your ends?

(We know go to Jack who is walking through the _Pearl_ to get to his rum cellar)

Crew: Snore

Some random crewmember: (Snore) I want rum (snore) I'll go get some then… (snore) (gets out of hammock)

Jack: Actually I'm the one getting the rum because I am CAPTAIN. So everyone stays here. (he pushes him back into the hammock)

(He walks down some more steps and sees some chickens and goats running around) (Just then a little Jack pops onto his shoulder)

Little Jack: Go eat the chicken Jack! We're starving! Eat. Eat. EAT!

Jack: What are you doing here? Come back next movie. (He flicks him off his shoulder and Little Jack goes flying off the ship) I am hungry though…

(10 minutes later you see Jack pigging out on chicken. How he cooked it, I don't know…)

Jack: That was good, now what was I going for… oh right RUM! (he starts running down the stairs hoping to get away from any more distractions so he can get the rum.)

(He opens the door and goes through all the rum holder things and finds that ALL the rum was gone)

Jack: It's all gone! Why is it all go- (he sees a rum bottle and grabs it and sand come pouring out of it.) Well that's just depressing (pout)

Voice: You have no more time Jack.

Jack: (jumps right off the ground out of fright) w-w-wwho's t-th-that? (He walks around and sees Bootstrap Bill Turner) Bootstrap? Bill Turner? That you under that… well um, stuff?

Bill: You look good Jack, real good.

Jack: I'm afraid I can't say the same for you mate…

Bill: Thanks…

Jack: Is this a dream? Because if it is you have better have brought me rum.

(Before Bill could answer Morgan Freeman pops into the cellar)

Morgan Freeman: I'm God Jack, I want you to build me an ark. And I'll pay you in (snaps fingers) rum. (Jack is now surrounded in rum) (Heavenly sound you know like AAAAA in a high pitch)

Bill: I believe you're in the wrong movie buster. (snaps fingers and "God" and his rum are gone)

Jack: BILL! THAT MAN HAD RUM! RUM! NOW ALL THE RUM IS GONE AGAIN!!! (Pause) wait, since when did you have magical powers?

Bill: I don't know… I woke up with them one day. Besides, there's lots more you don't know about me.

Jack: Like what?

Bill: (ignores question) You got her back I see…

Jack: Whose her? I don't need to get any woman back because they always want me back, not the other way around. (Starts hyperventilating)

Bill: I meant the _Pearl_ you idiot

Jack: Oh, (sigh) good. But I did have some aid in the retrieving of said vessel.

Bill: (confused look) what?

Jack: I had some help from your son getting her back.

Bill: William?

Jack: DUH! What other sons do you have?

Bill: Uh…

Jack: Player! Two-timer!

Bill: I did no such thing!

Jack: FINE!

Bill: So he ended up a pirate after all then…

Jack: (bursts out laughing) PIRATE?!?! Ya right, and I'm Davy Jones. (laughs some more) So why are you here anyway…

Bill: Um… to talk?

Jack: I don't think so seeing as your dead and the dead don't normally have working vocal cords.

Bill: Thanks for being thoughtful about my feelings Jack! (Sniff)

Jack: Sorry. But seriously, why are you here?

Bill: He sent me

Jack: Let's not play "What does Bill mean when he says "he, she, him or her". You have to be more specific!

Bill: Davy Jones.

Jack: Ya right. No really who sent you?

Bill: (frustrated now) JACK I'M SERIOUS! DAVY JONES SENT ME SO GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD!

Jack: oh…. (Pause) wait, why are you working for Jones?

Bill: Oh I don't know…I made a deal with him because I was dieing and being crushed by water because I was strapped to a cannon by Barbossa because I stood up for you after the mutiny because he mutinied against you! So all in all it's really your fault I'm standing before you in fish decoration! (Breaths heavily)

Jack: (confused look) oh I… what?

Bill: I see the master of twisting sentences has been twisted himself. (Smirk)

Jack: Have not!

Bill: Have too!

Jack: Have not!

Bill: Have too!

Jack: Have not!

Bill: YoumadeadealwithJones too!

Jack: So what if I hav – I mean, no I haven't!

Bill: You were never good at this game when we sailed together Jack-

Jack: Yes I was!

Bill: Quit interrupting me! At this rate I won't make it back for the cartoons! We only get to watch them once a week!!

Jack: The _Dutchman_ has cartoons…

Bill: Yes actually, they're really fun! But that's beside the point! Jones raised the Pearl from the depths for you, 12 years you have been Captain-

Jack But that deal was made 13 years ago…

Bill: Really? Then this is not going to be your first warning, it shall be you last.

Jack: But _technically_ I was only Captain for _2_ years!

Bill: Do you really think he cares, you won't be able to talk you self out of this sticky little situation.

Jack: But, but… I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

Bill: So, you're doomed, 1 soul, bound to crew 200-

Jack: -100…

Bill: Right, 100 years on the _Dutchman._

Jack: (whines) But the _Flying Dutchman_ already has a captain! I REFUSE to sail on a ship where I am not CAPTAIN!

Bill: Then got to the Locker.

Jack: hmmm… rather not, too many of me around…

Bill: Stop giving things away!

Jack: SORRY!

Bill: Jones little pet-

Jack: -that's like the opposite of a hyperbole!-

Bill: Fine, HUGE, GINORMUS, GIGANTIC pet, does that make you feel better?

Jack: (gulp) no (whimpers)

Bill: As I was saying, Jones pet will find you, he will hunt you down and there's no stopping him 'till he gets what he wants. He'll drag this very place down to the depths and you along with it!

Jack: He's going to drag down the rum cellar! Why is the rum always gone!

Bill: HE'S GOING TO DRAG THE WHOLE _PEARL_ DOWN YOU IDIOT!

Jack: Oh… (pause) when?

Bill: Give me your hands.

Jack: Why.

Bill: Because I said so.

Jack: No.

Bill: Fine then, let's play Mercy.

Jack: Ok. (he gives Bill his hands)

Bill: (laughs) I tricked you!

(Bill lets go of Jack's hand and then disappears) (Jack looks down at his hand as the Black Spot appears on it)

Jack: EW, it's all furry and disgusting… wait, CRAP!

(Jack runs up the stairs ((tripping a couple of times on the way up)) and starts barking orders)

Jack: MOVE MOVE MOVE GET UP! I WANT MOVEMENT OR I'LL THROW YOU OVERBORD!

(Jack hides behind something and wraps his "fury little problem" in cloth)

Gibbs: (coming out of nowhere) Do we have a heading!?

Jack: (Jumps out of fright) LAND!

Gibbs: Um… more specific perhaps?

Jack: ANYWHERE!

(Jack The Monkey comes out of nowhere and steals Jack's Hat) (he goes and sits on the mast and laughs)

Gibbs: Jack's hat! I'll get it! Jack The Monkey loves my dancing, he'll come right down!

(Gibbs begins dancing while Jack The Monkey begins throwing tomatoes at him) (He then throws Jack's hat into the ocean) (Gibbs doesn't notice as he is dancing his heart out)

Crew: JACK'S HAT!

Jack: LEAVE IT! JUST GET THIS SHIP TO LAND!

(Jack goes and hides behind the stairs and rocks back and forth)

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**STOP! DON'T CLOSE THE WINDOW; TAKE THE TIME TO SEND ME SOME FEEDBACK PLEASE! I'LL GREATLY APPRECIATE IT! Anonymous reviewer's aloud.**

**Don't be a read and runner.**

**P.S. I will most likely not be updating again until I have finished reading the 7th Harry Potter book. Sorry.**


	6. You thought of where to find him?

**A/N: ****I'd like to again thank my reviewers: LostWitch5, Piratesfanatic, omgxiixluvxhc, Dioschorium, cutepigts and Florencia7 for their wonderful reviews. I'd also like to thank who ever put me in the C2 community ****POTC Hall of Wonders**.

**I am SO SORRY that it took me so long to update. I was just so depressed about Harry Potter and all the things that happened in it. **_**(Not going to state anything cutepigts and don't worry, I wasn't going to in the first place :P) **_**I had like no happy thoughts… then I fell off my diving board and got cut up and then… well I don't have another excuse… lol. Well I'm back in the game now and ready to go! Yay!**

**Oh ya, I'm sorry about not reviewing other people's stories too. I will eventually get to doing that if I have not already…**

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You thought of where with him?

(Scene opens to Will walking down the stairs to the jail)

Will: (taking one step in-between each number) 67, 50, 68, 70, 75, 100!! There are 100 steps to get down to the jail cells!

Guard: No there aren't! There are 72 and I counted them myself this morning!

Swann (who popped out of nowhere) NO I'm older then all of you and much more smarter and I counted them a week ago and got 56! So my answer must be corrected!

Elizabeth: Encase no one has noticed I am LOCKED in a cell here! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!'

Guard: She's a piece of work…

Will and Swann: Tell me about it.

Guard: Wait, your not supposed to be here! (points to Will and stands in front of him to stop him from moving) your supposed to be locked up with Beckett and having tea parties… (Shudders from personal experience)

Will: What's that over there? (points to some random spot)

(The guard turns his head and Will slips by him) (Gov. Swann starts laughing at him)

Guard: (who I am naming Bob by the way) (Turns back around) WHAT!

Gov. Swann: You are not too smart you know. (points to Will and Elizabeth giving each other googly "I love you" eyes) That's just disgusting…

Bob: I know… it looks like they're going to- wait, I am too smart!

Gov. Swann: I am way smarter then you bee-hatch.

Bob: This is coming from a man that wears a wig… (laughs and points)

Gov. Swann: I like my wig, it's rather convenient you know! I don't have too sleep with curlers anymore, or use a curling iron!

Bob: You do know that we have no electricity so therefore the curling iron wouldn't work. (smirk)

Gov. Swann: (shifty eyes) Yes well… (He knocks Bob out and drags him into his closet full of all the other people that have questioned him about his wig.)

(Meanwhile the scene changes back to Will and Elizabeth)

Elizabeth: Jack's _compass_? What would Beckett want with Jack's _compass_?

Will: Do you even know what a compass is Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: Uh…

Will: Oh come on, you know the little green things that spin around and say "WEEEE!"

Elizabeth: Um…

Will: (rolls eyes) (sighs) (spins around and says "WEEEE!")

Elizabeth: OOOOHHH!!!!!! Those things!

Will: Knew we would get there eventually…

Elizabeth: (whines) But WHY would Beckett want his compass?

Will: (sarcastically) To point him to his next tea party with his little dolls and dresses…

Elizabeth: Beckett wears _dresses_? (Disturbed look)

Will: Well he might of if I didn't escape in time… (shudders)

Elizabeth: So how are you going to get it Willy? Wave your hands and say, " Compass come!

Will: There's an idea! (He waves his hands and says, " Compass come!") (Nothing happens) OH MAAAN! I thought that was going to work for sure… guess I'm going to have to go look for him instead…

Gov. Swann: (who just got back from dragging poor Bob into a closet) NO! I don't want some stupid little _boy _setting out to find the only thing that will save MY daughter! (breaths heavily)

Will: Thanks for thinking about me too…

Gov. Swann: Who wants to think about you?

Elizabeth: DADDY! Your back! (Confused look) Where'd you go?

(Gov. Swann ignores poor Elizabeth while hoping he had received a smarter child rather then this one)

Will: (angry) So what you're saying is that I'm not _manly_ enough to go find a stupid compass!

(Just then a Voice comes out of nowhere… that seams to be happening a lot lately…)

Voice: It is not stupid! It's just… malfunctioning… (Voice disappears)

(Silence)

Elizabeth: Was I the only one who heard that? Am I going CRAZY!

(Will and Gov. Swann ignore Elizabeth and continue to glare at each other) (They decided to have a staring contest and whoever wins gets to decide whose plan they will use) (They continue to stare at each other for 5 minutes, all the while Elizabeth is getting

bored and tries to speed up the process)

Elizabeth: Will, I love you. (Nothing happens) Uh… Look! There's a pirate! (Nothing) Woops… My dress is falling off, whatever shall I do!? (Nothing again) I thought that would work for sure… hmmm… (Elizabeth ponders the situation and decides to take out the big guns) I CAN'T BREATHE!!! (Falls over)

(Gov. Swann looks away instantly to see Elizabeth lying on the floor laughing because her plan worked) (Once Will realises he wins he begins to do his victory dance)

Will: I WIN! I WIN! I KICKED YOUR BUTT RIGHT OUT THE DOOR, AND NOW I'M GOING BACK ON THE FLOOR! (He goes sits back down in front of Elizabeth's jail cell.)

Gov. Swann: FINE! Go get yourself killed. See if I care… actually I don't care, but WHAT EVER! (He walks away all frustrated)

(Will sticks his tongue out at him)

Elizabeth: Do you have any idea where he even is googly bear?

Will: Since when have you called me "googly bear"?

Elizabeth: (angrily) SINCE NOW!! (Back to normal) Ok googly bear? (Smiles)

Will: (scared) Ok…

Elizabeth: Where are you going to find him!?

Will: Uh… the local shopping malls maybe, or LCBO… I bet he's there! Or maybe the panties store…

Elizabeth: Why on earth would Jack be in a panties store? (Disturbed)

Will: Because… uh… me and him go there together sometimes…

Elizabeth: (angry again) Why do you go to a PANTIES STORE with Jack, Will!??!

Will: (frightened) No more googly bear?

Elizabeth: NO!

Will: Uh… Will you marry me again?

(Elizabeth completely forgets that she is angry with Will and starts screaming "YES YES YES!" She then leans in to kiss Will but before she could Gov. Swann falls down in between them because he was holding onto her jail cell door above them like Spiderman would _(I don't know if that makes sense to you)_ but he lost his grip. So instead of Will kissing Elizabeth, he kisses her father)

Will: (once he realises he is not kissing Elizabeth) YUCK! EW EW EW! OLD PERSON! BLAH!!! (He starts wiping his tongue off with his hand)

(Gov. Swann ran away to go find some sanitizer to clean his mouth out even though it's most likely not invented yet but it seams that he has some pretty good connections so maybe he does… and Elizabeth is pouting because she didn't get to kiss Will)

Will: (who is holding onto his tongue so he sounds weird) Elizabeth, I'll be back for you, don't go anywhere now. (He walks away leaving Elizabeth sitting alone doing nothing)

(After a few minutes)

Elizabeth: I'm bored…(sigh)

* * *

**STOP! DON'T CLOSE THE WINDOW; TAKE THE TIME TO SEND ME SOME FEEDBACK PLEASE! I'LL GREATLY APPRECIATE IT! Anonymous reviewer's aloud.**

**Don't be a read and runner.**

**PS. Sorry for the ridiculously long A/N up top and for those of you who don't know what LCBO is, it's a liquor store.**


	7. Where in the world is Jack Sparrow?

**A/N: ****I'd like to again thank my reviewers: LostWitch5, Piratesfanatic, omgxiixluvxhc, Florencia7, blackpearl.fantasy and cutepigts **_**(hope you had fun in the Caribbean : ) **_**for their wonderful reviews. **

**Now I want to say to the people who read this story but don't review that it would be really nice if you dropped me a line! It doesn't have to be long and extravagant, short and sweet is nice too : Just say like "Oh this is good" and it doesn't have to be good comments either, it could be bad too… but I would rather stay away from that, lol. Anonymous Reviewers, don't be shy, I was an anonymous reviewer once too. **

**Ok, so that's all for now. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) own nothing in this fic except for myself and Mary's personality but Disney owns his actual body… or head I guess; if I did I would be with Johnny Depp right now making hundreds of new movies instead of writing this, savvy? **

* * *

Where in the world is Jack Sparrow?

(Scene opens to Will up on a stage with a sign over top of it that says, "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiago", but "Carmen Sandiago" was scribble out and instead was replaced by "Jack Sparrow". There was also a much smaller sign pointing to where the line started. There was about 15 or 16 people in the line.)

Sailor: Captain Jack Sparrow… isn't he dead?

Will: STOP GIVING THINGS AWAY! (Will throws the poor old man off the stage)

Another Sailor: Singapore, that's what I heard. You best be on your way then… (starts to shoo him away)

Will: (Yells) What is wrong with you people! No spoilers! GOD. (knocks him off the stage too)

(Will walks up to the line of people)

Will: (Yells) Is there anyone here to not tell me spoilers about the next movie! The others, LEAVE!

(10 or so people leave the line) (Will walks back to his spot and some little boy with a T-Shirt with Will's face on it walks up to him)

Boy: (snort snort) I'm like your number one fan (snort) I want to be you when I grow up! (snort snort)

Will: REALLY! I HAVE LIKE NEVER HAD LIKE A NUMBER ONE FAN!

Boy: I know! (snort)

(Will and the boy get into a heated discussion about Will when two women walk up to him and slap him across the face)

Giselle: Give that to that scumbag Jack Sparrow when you see him.

Scarlet: He left me with child!! (looks at the kid) Let's go sweetie.

(Will starts laughing because he can't believe that his number one fan is Jack's child)

Will: (laughing still) Jack isn't going to like that…

(A sailor walks up to him and taps him on the shoulder) (Will turns around)

Sailor: (kind of creepily) You want to find Jack Sparrow? You come with me!

Will: (Thinks about it) Mmmm… OK.

(Scene changes to Will on a ship with a bunch of crazy people. He is looking through a telescope and the _Black Pearl_ is…)

Will: Uh… that ship is pink…

Sailor: Oh… you must have it on the "favourite color" setting. (Changes it) now look.

Will: (who is embarrassed that people now know his favourite color is pink) (looks again and it's black) Oh… um ya, that's the _Pearl_…

(Will and the sailor's brother are in a boat, the brother stops rowing)

Will: (whines) Why'd you stop! The beach is RIGHT THERE!

French guy: Je ne vais pas, eunich! Vous êtes fou pour aller sur cette île! Aussi, je n'aime pas ni tes vêtements ni toi, les deux sont si laid! Aurevoir. _[English : __I will not go, eunich! You are insane to go on that island! Also, I like neither your clothing nor you, they are both so ugly! Good bye._

Will: I thought I was close to you dude… (He goes to jump off the boat but trips and does like this flip thing and ends up hitting his head on the boat before landing in the water) OW! OW OW! That hurt! (cries)

(The French man is laughing while rowing away) (There are now a bunch of Jack Fan girls, still in their coffins, holding up signs with numbers on them. There isn't a number higher then a 3.8)

Will: Oh come on… I deserve at least a 5.

(All he gets is a bunch of angry glares so; Will decides to swim to shore)

Will: (singing while swimming) Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do, we swim, swim, swim. Aohhhh! I love to swim.

(Will walks out of the water and starts looking around the _Pearl_)

Will: Hello? Honey, I'm home!

(Nothing)

Will: Jack!? It's uh…(thinks about it)…Will!

(He knocks on the _Pearl_ like you would a door) (The Pearl starts to tip over)

Will: (Looks around "innocently") Wasn't me… (Runs away)

(Will decides to go into the jungle to go look for Jack.) (He runs into Cotton's Parrot)

Will: COTTON"S PARROT! I'm so glad to see you!

Cotton's Parrot: …Well I'm not.

Will: (hurt) Have you seen Jack or his compass lately?

Cotton's Parrot: His what?

Will: You know… the little green things that spin around and say "WEEEE"

Cotton's Parrot: (Black stare)

Will: (sigh) (He begins to spin around but before he could say "WEEE", Cotton's Parrot flies away)

(Will realizes Cotton's Parrot flew away so he walks on.) (He finds Gibbs canteen so he picks it up)

Will: Gibbs…

Canteen: My name isn't Gibbs!

Will: Have you seen him lately?

Canteen: Ya, right after he left me here! (cries)

Will: Ok… (He takes the string off the canteen and throws the canteen away)

Canteen: AHHHHHH! (Thump)

Will: (while following the string) Follow the black rope, follow the black rope, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the black rope.

(Will gets to the end of the string and pouts because he can't sing his song anymore)

Cannibal: (who is hiding in a tree) BOO!!

Will: (Screams like a girl and is now hanging up side down)

(Cannibals are making a circle around him while carrying little pointy objects)

Will: (looks around) Look! I'm a bat! (He attempts to curl himself up like a bat.) I'm not a person; leave this poor innocent bat alone!

Cannibal 1: Shut it. (He shoots a dart at Will but misses)

Will: (laughs)

Cannibal 2: (laughs at Cannibal 1 and shoots a dart at Will) (It hits him this time)

Will: OW!! That hurt!

Cannibal 3: Isn't he supposed to be knocked out?

Will: (Laughs) I'm growing quills! I'm a porcupine, not a bat.

Cannibal 4: This guy is crazy…

Cannibal 5: Seriously…

(All the cannibals shoot darts at Will)

Will: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW (after they finish) Blah… (Will is knocked out)

Cannibal 3: Thank the lord! I thought he would never shut up!

Cannibal 1: Wait 'till he wakes up again…

(All the cannibals shudder)

* * *

**STOP! DON'T CLOSE THE WINDOW; TAKE THE TIME TO SEND ME SOME FEEDBACK PLEASE! I'LL GREATLY APPRECIATE IT! Anonymous reviewer's aloud.**

**Don't be a read and runner.**

**Ps. I hope my French was ok... it should be considering I'm in French Immersion... lol**

**MrsPD**


	8. Pony Land?

**I'd like to thank my wonderful reviewers: Olivegreeneyes, Florencia7, jp fanatic, blackpearl.fantasy, Piratesfanatic, LostWitch5 and cutepig ts **

**Disclaimer: I (unfortunately) own nothing in this fic except for myself and Mary's personality but Disney owns his actual body… or head I guess; if I did I would be with Johnny Depp right now making hundreds of new movies instead of writing this, savvy?**

* * *

Pony Land?

(Scene opens to all the cannibals walking back to their "King" while carrying a very disoriented Will, beginning to wake up.)

Cannibal 5: So the wedding is next Tuesday.

Cannibal 3: Congrats man, I won't miss it for the world.

Cannibal 1: He's waking up!

(All the cannibals groan)

Will: (looks around) Where am I…why is everything up side down? Am I a sloth? (Laughs)

Cannibal 2: (thinks) Uh… you're in… Pony Land!

Will: Pony Land? Am I a pony then? (Looks around) (Sees an old cannibal) That's not a very pretty pony…

Cannibal 4: (looks at the old cannibal) That's my dad! How dare you! (Cannibal 4 goes to strangle Will for making fun of his daddy, but Will moves his neck just in time and Cannibal 4 trips and falls to the ground, all the cannibals who are carrying Will step on him. In the process of moving his head though, Will hits it on the pole and knocks himself out.)

Will: Ouch… Blah! (Knocked out)

(The cannibals keep walking through their camps until they reach the King.) (Cameraman zooms in on the King sitting on his throne) (He has freaky eyes painted all over his face and a big ugly bug on his nose) (He zooms in on this person's "eyes")

King: (opens his eyes) BOO!!

(Cameraman runs away crying to his mommy)

King: (Laughs)

Will: (who has woken up) Jack…Jack Sparrow? What are you doing in Pony Land?

(The King, who is actually Jack Sparrow, rolls his eyes and gives Cannibal's 1-5 dirty looks. He starts poking Will and doesn't stop as he speaks to the cannibals in cannibal)

Jack: Blah Old Chicke way. Too fur hit men.

Will: (cries) Why don't you remember me?

Right Hand Cannibal: Say toots hi way fishy!

All Cannibals: Way Fishy!

Will: (cries some more)

Cannibal 2: (whispering) Why are we the only cannibals who understand English here?

Cannibal 5: (whispering) Genetic modification?

Jack: …lum say say eunichi, snip snip.

Will: Jack! Why more eunich jokes! It's not my fault that I'm a- I mean… (Shifty eyes)

(Jack begins walking away and Will spots the compass)

Will: Jack I need your compass!

Jack: My what?

Will: You know… the green thing on you belt that likes to spin around a say " WEEE"

Jack: (confused)

Will: (sighs) (rolls eyes) (begins spinning around the pole, still tied to it while saying, "WEEEE!")

Jack: Oh! That evil little thing… (Talking to his stick thing) What do you think Mary? Should we give it to him?

(Will looks at Jack like he is insane)

Mary: (Who is rather mad at Jack for sticking him on a stick) Oh I don't know… I'm just your stick pet… who you forgot about this whole scene!!!

Jack: I'M SORRY!

Mary: (Silent)

Jack: (sigh) You're no help at all… (Throws Mary onto his seat)

Mary: (on the seat) You're a bum head.

Jack: (sarcastically) Why thank you…

(Jack goes to speak in cannibal to the cannibals)

Jack: He phat too far loin go hat linb! Savvy? (Pause) Licky licky!!

Cannibals: Licky licky!

(Jack walks towards Will)

Will: Are you insane Jack! You were talking to a head that is dead. (Laughs) Hey! I rhymed!

Jack: Correction, a VERY moody head…

Will: Whatever…

(Silence)

Jack: (whispers) SAVE ME!

(The Cannibals start walking away with Will.)

Will: Are you crazy! You should be saving me! What about Elizabeth? Who's going to save her!

Jack: I don't believe you mentioned anything about Elizabeth…

Will: I didn't?

(Just then all the cannibals walk up to Will and start licking him, I guess "Licky licky" actually meant, licky licky…)

Will: AHHHHH!!!!! Stop licking me you cannibals! Stop- hahaha no I'm ticklish there! Stop! Stop!

(The cannibals continue to walk away)

Mary: That wasn't very nice.

Jack: I thought you weren't talking to me, Head!

Mary: I'm not, Person!

Jack: Good!

Mary: Fine!

Jack: Fine!

Mary: Fine-

Cannibal 4: (who had crawled all the way here after being trampled by all the cannibals carrying Will) SHUT IT!

(Jack and Mary completely ignore him and just keep fighting)

* * *

**Ok, this was a kind of weird and short chapter,lol. I'm not sure if people are going to like it... **

**Now some bad news readers:**

_**Next week I am volunteering at a day camp, and since I mostly write chapters during the day, I won't be able to update as often. This will be the case for this story and my other story, Love at First Sight. **_

**_Then the following week, Aug. 19-25, I am going camping so I have no access to a computer, hence no updates that week._**

**_I'm sorry everyone:(_**

**STOP! DON'T CLOSE THE WINDOW; TAKE THE TIME TO SEND ME SOME FEEDBACK PLEASE! I'LL GREATLY APPRECIATE IT! Anonymous reviewer's, don't be shy, I was an anonymous reviewer once too :)**

**Don't be a read and runner.**

**MrsPD**


	9. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

So, I know most people want to chop me into little pieces for not updating my stories, but I do have some reasons, so here me out. After I got back from my camp I gave myself a few days to relax, but then I had to go school supply shopping and stuff and getting ready for school. So I haven't really had time to do anything. I'm also coming down with a mild case of writer's block for both my stories :s

Anyway, I will be updating them, I just don't know when… I'm really sorry again.

mrspatrickdempsey

xoxo


	10. Elizabeth finds a new friend

**((Begins putting up a huge barrier around self)) Okay I'm ready for anything you may throw at me for not updating in a really long time… Go ahead if it makes you feel better :P**

**I'd like to thank my wonderful reviewers:Blackiwi, omgxiixluvxhc, Olivegreeneyes, Piratesfanatic, LostWitch5, blackpearl.fantasy, MrsTurner007 and crazibookwormi.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Potc, StarWars, Sam Marquez from Las Vagas, Scary Movie 1 and Scarface. If your confused, I suggest you read on. All I own is myself and Mary's personality but Disney owns his actual body… or head I guess.

* * *

**Elizabeth finds a new friend

(Scene opens too Governor Swann opening a jail cell door. He is now dressed in tight jeans, a white T-shirt and black leather jacket.)

Gov. Swann: (Cool gangster voice) Let's hit the road.

Elizabeth: (Stares at him like he is insane) Who are you?

Gov. Swann (Darth Vader voice): Elizabeth, I'm your father.

Elizabeth: NO YOUR NOT! (Pause) Are you the tooth fairy? (Huge grin)

Gov. Swann: (rolls eyes) (Goes to grab Elizabeth)

(All of a sudden, a gun pops out of nowhere and Elizabeth, being the bright soul that she is, takes it and knocks Governor Swann out)

Elizabeth: (stares at the gun) Hmmm that's rather effective isn't it.

Gun: Yah! AND you just cut at least a minute out of the movie doing that!

Elizabeth: (Shocked look) REALLY!

Gun: Yes, now lets go do something more productive… like killing someone (evil laugh)

Elizabeth: (Thinks about it) I'd rather not…

Gun: Fine then, how about we go pay a visit to the little man up North?

Elizabeth: (Wide eyes) You mean… SANTA CLAUSE!!! (She begins jumping for joy)

Gun: (rolls eyes) You're not the brightest of the bunch are you?

Elizabeth: Of course I'm not! I'm special (grins)

Gun: (under breath… wait guns don't have lungs so how could they mutter under their breaths… oh well) I feel for the poor man that has to marry her. (Back to normal voice) Let's got get us some Beckett butt, shall we?

(Elizabeth agrees and stuffs her father into her jail cell and then begins walking out of the prison) (Magically, she is now in Beckett's office)

Elizabeth: That was weird… (Shifty eyes)

Gun: Go get the Letters of Marques!!

Elizabeth: (She grabs them from a box with the words "Off limits! Cutler's Special TOP SECRET BOX" on it) The Letters of Marquez? (She squeals) Do you mean Sam Marquez from Las Vegas!! I LOVE THAT SHOW!

Gun: (confused) This is the 1700th century, that show hasn't even been made yet…

Elizabeth: (Shifty eyes) I told you my father had connections…

(All of a sudden a TERRIBLE, BLOOD THICKENNING SOUND is heard causing Elizabeth to hide…)

Door: Ding Dong.

(The scene switches to Beckett standing outside his office door)

Beckett: Why am I ringing the doorbell to my own office?

Voice: Because I told you too you crazy little man.

Beckett: (looks around for the source of the voice, he sees no one.) (He looks up at the sky.) Is that you God, it's me, Cutler.

(Silence)(Crickets)

(Beckett sighs and enters his office, only for him to find that his top-secret box had been broken into and Poopsie's Papers and the Letters of Marques were taken!!!)

DUN DUN DUN!

Beckett: My top-secret box had been broken into and Poopsie's Papers and the Letters of Marques are taken!

DUN DUN DUN

Beckett: That's really creepy…

(All of a sudden, his cell phone rings)

Phone: Dring Dring.

Beckett: (Answers) Hello?

Person on the phone: I know what you did last summer (laughs)

Beckett: (Screams like a girl) Where are you!

Person on the phone: I'm in your office (Giggles)

Beckett: (Turns around to see a pair of feet sticking out from behind a couch)

Person on the phone: Where am I?

Beckett: Um… you're behind the couch.

Person on the phone: What! How do you know that?

Beckett: (Hesitating) Uh… I can see you feet…

Person on the phone: What? (Looks over at feet) (Looks at Beckett) You were right. (The person on the phone was Elizabeth if you didn't know already)

Elizabeth: (To Gun) What am I supposed to do now!

Gun: Go talk to him, look at your left hand, words will magically appear on them and then read them out.

Elizabeth: (shrugs shoulders) Sounds good to me.

(Elizabeth begins to walk forward, hiding Gun behind her)

Beckett: (Whimpers) What do you want?

Elizabeth: (Looks down at her hand) I'm here to negoti- narlyate- um..

Gun: (from behind Elizabeth) NEGOTIATE!

Elizabeth: Oh right! I'm here to negotiate.

Beckett: (sighs with relief) Oh good, I thought you were here to kick my butt, because you would definitely win… (Pouts)

Gun: (laughs)

Elizabeth: (Looks down at hand) (quizzical look) (Takes Gun out and points it at Beckett) SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

Beckett: (gulp)

Gun: (Snickers)

Elizabeth: (Looks at hand) These Letters of Marques— (Looks at Gun) I thought you said they were Letters of Marquez!

(Gun says nothing and it would be rolling its eyes if it had them while Beckett stares at Elizabeth like she's insane.)

Elizabeth: (Looks back down at her hand upset) Keep going girl, and I hope you don't read this out loud…oops (Giggle) (She continues from where she was before) are signed by the king?

Beckett: (Pouts and cries) I want to be King. (Sniff) Besides, (Sniff) They don't work unless I've signed them too, SEE I'm important too!

Elizabeth: (looks down at hand) (Turns to Gun) There's no way I'm saying that. Daddy told me to never say that word!

(Silence)

Elizabeth: FINE! No shi…taki mushrooms Sherlock! (Sticks tongue out)

Gun: (Rolls eyes if it had them)

(Silence)

Elizabeth: Why aren't you saying anything!

Beckett: Well I believe it's your turn to talk according to this script here (Takes it out)

Elizabeth: (Wide eyes) OOOH a script!

(They snuggle into the couch and turn to the page that they are on presently)

Beckett: So your supposed to tell me that Jack Sparrow's compass doesn't work—

Voice: YES IT DOES!

Both: Creepy.

Beckett: (continues) and then I'm supposed to tell you that I already know about the curse—

Elizabeth: You do?

(Meanwhile Gun is floating in thin air rolling it's no existent eyes at there stupidity)

Beckett: According to this I do… (Continues) and then you hold me at gunpoint. Let's just skip to that OK? It sounds much more fun!

(Elizabeth happily agrees and drags Beckett over to Gun floating in mid air and puts it underneath his chin)

Elizabeth: (Laughs) That was fun!

(They walk over to the table and Elizabeth sets the Letters of Marques down)

Elizabeth: SIGN THEM!

Beckett: (scared) Ok! Geez woman, don't need to be so demanding.

(Beckett signs then and stamps his crest thing into hot wax.)

Beckett: Tell me why you want them so bad before I give them to you.

Elizabeth: There for my husband, DUH!

Beckett: You know he's not your husband yet, compliments of me. (Snickers)

(Beckett hands Elizabeth the papers)

Beckett: If you don't want to kick the bucket, I suggest you bring me back Jack's compass.

Elizabeth: (confused) His what?

(All of a sudden, Will pops into Beckett's Office)

Will: (rolls eyes)(begins spinning around while saying "WEEEE!")

Elizabeth: HEY LOOK IT"S WILL!

(Will disappears)

Elizabeth: Where'd he go? (Pouts)

(Elizabeth grabs the papers from Beckett and begins to run out the office door when Gun stops her)

Gun: Wait I want to do something… (Snickers)

(Gun floats over to Beckett looking at himself in the mirror and knocks him out cold)

Gun: Serves you right you self-centered crazy little man! (He floats back over to Elizabeth) Now we can go.

* * *

**Okay so there you have it! Don't expect an update really fast though, it's exam month and studying does come first. :)**

**STOP! DON'T CLOSE THE WINDOW; TAKE THE TIME TO SEND ME SOME FEEDBACK PLEASE! I'LL GREATLY APPRECIATE IT! Anonymous reviewer's, don't be shy, I was an anonymous reviewer once too :)**

**Don't be a read and runner.**

**MrsPD**


	11. Amusement Park Rides

Amusement Park Rides

(Scene opens to Pintel and Ragetti rowing a little dingy)

Both: Row, row, row you boat, gently down the stream! Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream!

Pintel: I love that song!

Ragetti: I loved it first!

Pintel: I was born before you so that would make me the person who loved it first!

Ragetti: SO! I love it more than you.

Pintel: No I love i—

Jail Doggie: SHUT UP!

(Pintel and Ragetti look over at him confused)

Pintel: When the hell did you get here?

Jail Doggie: Maybe when I broke you out of jail…

Pintel: (confused) What…

Jail Doggie: Let me show you…

_*Flashback*_

_Ragetti: WE'RE GONNA DIE! (Cries)_

_Pintel: I KNOW! (Cries)_

_Other Pirates: (Angry) Suck it up babies!_

_(All of a sudden Pintel and Ragetti's jail cell door burst open)_

_Voice: Come with me if you want to live._

_(They look over and see a dog with a leather outfit on with black sunglasses. It's Terma-dog!)_

_(Pintel and Ragetti look at each other then back to the dog)_

_Both: OKAY!_

_(The odd trio escapes from the jail)_

_*End of Flashback*_

Ragetti: That was weird…

Pintel: Seriously…

Jail Doggie: So now that you believe me lets sail in some piece and quie— (Looks at the sea) LOOK! A CATFISH! (He jumps off the boat and chases after it)

(After a while you here lots of hissing and then one last painful yelp. Then you see Jail Doggie back in the boat with a bunch of scratches on his face)

Jail Doggie: Ow…

Big wave: OM NOM NOM ima eatchu!

All: AHHHH (crash)

(A few minutes later)

Ragetti: OMG THAT WAS SO FUN LET'S DO IT AGAIN!

Pintel: OKAY!

(They go back out into the ocean and repeat)

Jail Doggie: Okay then… I'll just get the Pearl ready for stealing myself. (sigh)

* * *

(Back at the cannibal place) (There's a sign now. It reads: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE: CANNIBAL)

Cannibal 1: Okay well this is my ritual dance that I've been working on for forever! (Does a two second dance.)

Cannibal 3: That SUCKED!

Cannibals: BOOOOOOOOOO

Mary: (screams) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Well I thought that was WONDERFUL. Good enough for the HOT TAMALE TRAIN! (screams)

(Few minutes later)

(Cannibals bring a beautiful necklace for Jack

Cannibals: (Puts the necklace on)

Mary: (Laughs) Sexy.

Jack: Yes I am rather sexy don't you think?

Mary: (sigh)

Jack: (Picks up a toe) (stuffs it in mouth)

Mary: Ew…

Jack: Hmmm…tastes like chicken! (Eats another) (Looks at Mary) Want one?

Mary: I'd rather die to be honest

Jack: (Laughs hysterically) YOUR ALREADY DEAD!

Mary: (cries)

(Scene changes too the hamster cages)

Gibbs: (Dancing)

Will: (sits in a corner and cries) WHYYYYYYYYY (sob) why would he put us in these cages! I JUST WANTED THE COMPASS! (sob)

Gibbs: You wanted the what?

Will: His compass, you know the little green thing that spins around and says "WHEEE"?

Gibbs: (Confused)

Will: (sighs) (rolls eyes) (Spins around and says "WHEE")

Gibbs: OH THAT THING! Why would you need that?

Will: (shifty eyes) No reason…

Gibbs: (Goes back to dancing) I really wish I could go onto So You Think You Can Dance. (sighs)

Will: So uh… why is Jack acting like such a bitch?

Gibbs: He has no choice! They're gonna eat him!

Will: EAT WITH HIM? (shocked) Why don't we get to do that? (pouts) I'm so hungry…

Gibbs: Uh they're gonna eat him for dinner?

Will: I want to too (pouts)

Gibbs: ARE YOU NUTS! YOU KNOW HOW GROSS HE MUST TASTE.

Will: (shrugs)

Gibbs: (disturbed)

Will: Hey? Where are the other people?

Gibbs: All around us… (sad)

Will: (looks around) I don't see anybody? Just these weird things on the cage.

Gibbs: Uh… that's them?

Will: EW EW EW EW That's so gross! (starts running back and forth causing the cage to swing)

* * *

(Back to So You Think You Can Dance: Cannibals)

Cat Deeley: (pops out of nowhere) Alright ladies and gentlemen, its time for this weeks top 10 group number! FIRE DANCE!

(Cannibals run in all holding fire and do a very elaborate jazz number)

Mary: Wow that's pretty good…

Jack: Uh I think its time too go (runs away)

Mary: WHAT ABOUT ME!

Cannibals: (Finish dance) TADAH!

(Silence)(Crickets)

Cannibal 2: HE'S GONE

(Scene changes to Jack running away)

Jack: (giggles) They're not going to eat me! They're not going to eat me! (skips) (stops in his tracks, he's reached a cliff) Dammit I wish I could fly… I'm bloody Captain Jack SPARROW. I'm a bloody bird who can't fly!

(Few minutes later all the cannibals come running toward Jack) (He has two palm leaves in each hand and is flapping them while hopping up and down) (He finally notices that they are there)

Jack: (embarrassed) This is awkward…

* * *

(Scene back too the fire pit) (Jack is tied onto a piece of bamboo)

Mary: (snickers) Welcome back

Jack: (glares)

(They place him over the fire pit)

Cannibal 4: Someone get the hot sauce!

Jack: Ouf.

* * *

(Scene changes to swinging hamster cages)

Will: (Running back and forth) Ew Ew Ew! Dead People!

(The two cages finally swing far enough for the crew to grab the vines)

Gibbs: (Grabs balloons) Okay everyone, start blowing!

(They grab the balloons and start blowing them up with the helium machine that popped out of nowhere)

Will: SO much more smarter than climbing, pshh who wants to do that? (Pauses) (turns to Gibbs) Hey do we really need everybody to sail that ship?

Gibbs: No don't think so why?

Will: (Innocently) Just wondering.

(He pops all the other people's balloons)

Other people: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH (falls) (dies)

(Cannibal 5 is walking by, he sees them trying to escape)

Cannibal 5: THEY'RE TRYING TO ESCAPE (runs off) (Runs too fire pit) STOP! In the name of love, before you break my heart! (sings)

Jack: (Confused)

Mary: These cannibals sure are a talented bunch?

Cannibal 5: (finishes song) (bows) The prisoner's are escaping Chief!

Simon Cowell: (pops into story) That was bloody awful. (pops out)

Jack: Weird I swore I just heard something…

Cannibal 1: I'm getting hungry… (goes to take a bite)

Jack: HEY NOW I'm not even cooked yet!

Cannibal 1: (pouts)

Cannibal 5: (frustrated) DID NO ONE HERE ME! They're ESCAPING!

Jack: Oh shizzit that's never good (snickers)

Cannibals: (stare)

Jack: GO GET THEM DUH! God you'd think a bunch of rabid cannibals would have bigger brains than this.

Cannibals: (run away) (drop flames)

(Everything catches fire)

Jack: Where's the fire extinguisher when you need one.

* * *

(Scene back too the cages)

Cage: LOOK I CAN FLY! (floats)

Will: SICK!

Gibbs: (does a happy dance)

Dead crew: DAMN YOU

(The cage floats up until it reaches the cliff and then collapses)

Cage: God you guys are heavy.

Will: Hmmm (opens up a book titled "How to Escape a Cage Made Out of People For Dummies") it says here we should cut it loose, so let's do that! Ya good plan by Will (grins)

* * *

(Scene back too the fire pit)

(Everything is on fire)

Jack: So uh Mary… wanna help me out here?

Mary: Maybe I could if SOMEONE didn't throw all my body parts away! (Glares)

Jack: (sigh) ANY BRIGHT IDEAS THEN! I'm gonna be roasted like a chicken soon!

Mary: Hmmm…chicken sounds tasty right about now…

Jack: (angry) MARY!

Mary: What? I didn't get to eat anything before I died! I'm starving!

Jack: (glares)

* * *

Will: (sees cannibals) uh oh. (Gets up) (Trips) (The cage starts to roll) (It rolls off another giant cliff)

Gibbs: AHHHH

Will: AHHH SO MUCH SPINNING

Marty: This ain't so bad eh? Kinda fun! (Everyone looks at him) I mean…AHHHHHHH!

(The cage flies off another cliff and crashes into a tree)

Cage: Ow bitch that hurt!

Tree: (groans)

Cannibals: (Running while singing opera)

Will: Ow my ears! (sees cannibals) Oh crap. LIFT THE CAGE!

Gibbs: Lift it like a lady's skirt!

Will: (confused) How do you do that?

Crew: (stare)

Will: WHAT? Elizabeth never let me do that…

(They start to run)

* * *

(Scene changes to Jack running with the bamboo stick still attached too his back while holding Mary)

Mary: COME ON RUN FASTER

Jack: Shut it, will you.

(Jack continues running and stops to try and get the ropes off) (Sees Cannibal child holding a knife)

Cannibal Child: FOOOOOOOD (runs at Jack with knife) (Jack steps aside) (Cannibal Child trips and falls)

Mary: That's not very nice.

Jack: (Mimics) That's not very nice…

Mary: (disapproving look)

Jack: Oh can it and your stupid conscious! (Goes to pick Cannibal Child up)

Cannibal Child: THANK YOU SIR!

Jack: PSYSCH (Steals knife) (tries to cut ropes) (sees Cannibal Women)

Cannibal Woman 1: (holds out red cloth)

Jack: AHHHHHHHHHHHH (runs at her)

Cannibal Woman 1: OLE!

(Jack runs into a pile of coconuts) (One attaches too his bamboo stick)

Jack: (sings) I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! Wait…(light bulb appears over head)

(Jack swings around and "throws" coconut) (It hits Cannibal 2 in the face)

Cannibal 2: OMG YOU BROKE MY NOSE! (growls)

Jack: Uh oh.

* * *

(Back to Will and crew)

(They're running)

(Quite fast)

(The cannibals are still singing opera while running and chasing them)

(They still suck)

Will: Man you'd think we were all long distance runners!

(They reach the cave randomly in the middle of nowhere) (Fall)

Cage: This is gonna be the end of me. (Crashes into water) (Dies)

Will: (Surfaces) That was the most awesome ride ever! It should totally be part of an amusement park!

Gibbs: I'm pretty sure we already have a ride at one of those…(shifty eyes)

(Will was about to say something when the cannibals show up and start shooting sticks at them)

Will: I DON'T WANT TO BE A PORCUPINE! (Hides)

Cannibal Child: (runs up) Guys! The food is escaping!

Cannibals: (run away)

Everybody: (confused)

* * *

(Scene back too Jack and Cannibal Women)

Jack: FOOOOOOD FIGHT! (Chucks fruit)

Cannibal Women: (Returns fire)

(Over the course of the food fight fruit somehow forms a sexy Jack kabob)

Mary: (who was in Jack's hand the whole time) I'd eat that.

Jack: I'm starting to think your crushing on me.

Mary: (shrugs)

(Jack starts running at the pile of coconuts again) (This time he runs so fast that he defies gravity and does this super cool flip thing and lands on the other side)

(Over on the side Fan Girls are standing carrying score cards, 10s all around.)

Jack: I'm amazing.

Mary: I think I'm gonna be sick.

(The Fruit start sliding down the Jack kabob)

Fruit: (giggles)

Jack: This is gonna hurt.

(Jack kabob falls off cliff) (It catches onto the rock) (Jack unwinds)

Jack: Oh my God those toes are coming back up (gags)

Mary: AH! Don't aim this way

Cannibal 1: What. An. Idiot.

(The bamboo stick shifts)

Jack: Where's a parachute when you need one.

(Jack kabob falls again)

Jack: (screams like a little girl) IM GONNA DIE (cries)

Mary: Hey at least I'm already dead.

Jack: (hits a bridge) Ow. (Another) That kinda hurt (Another) OKAY WHAT THE HELL I THINK FALLING TOO MY DEATH IS PAIN ENOUGH! (Pouts)

(Finally Jack goes through enough bridges that his momentum slows down) (He hits the miraculously placed mattress on the ground)

Jack: Hey that wasn't so bad! (grins)

Mary: (rolls eyes) You'd think you'd be smarter than that.

(Jack looks up and sees the bamboo stick falling)

Jack: HOLY *(&*%$#

(Bamboo stick crashes into the mattress and then into the ground between Jack's two legs)

Jack: That was bloody awful.

Mary: Well I'd say that was a pretty fun ride…

* * *

**Okay well this story was my baby when I first started here so I couldn't not continue. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was kinda hard to write seeing as these scenes were already funny to begin with :P**

**Heres my shameless plug: Please go check out my other story Love at First Sight. Its nothing like this one but I think it's good. Thanks!**

**Nobody likes read and runners so don't be one! Anonymous Reviews accepted!**

**Mrs PD**


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